Just a couple of minutes ago, I saw my cousin post a photo of his mom in a hospital bed surrounded by a few friends. It had the caption “(Friends) singing to my mom. Great encouragement to us, bros & sis”. I was alarmed because I have never seen my aunt look so weak.
I found out from my mom that my aunt has stage 4 lung cancer.
My aunt is my dad’s sister-in-law but she was like a second mother to me because I stayed at her house while I was in college. You know, to save on dorm fees since her house is really close to my university. So for 4 years, we watched news programs and some TV drama series together. She made sure that I had something to eat for dinner, and that I felt comfortable in my room every night. She would even let me sleep in her room whenever it got too warm in the room I was sleeping in.
Seeing the picture my cousin posted today, I regret the fact that I had not taken more time to visit her after I graduated, and that I did not even think about visiting her before I moved to California.
Now at this time of her life, I wish I were there with her. I know I wouldn’t be of much help, and I’m sure I won’t be able to take the pain away. But I just want to hold her hand and at least let her feel that I love her.
I guess that’s my main regret. It’s not that I feel bad for doing something bad. But it’s the kind of regret you feel for NOT doing something — like in my case, I regret not taking the time to make her feel that I love her and that I appreciate all the things she has done for me.
And now I’m halfway around the world and all I can do now is pray for her. I know prayer is powerful. But I just wish I could pray for her as I hold her hand.
I guess the lesson for me here is to not let a day pass without telling — and showing — the people important to me that I love them. So that I’ll never regret not showing them how special they are to me.